What’s going on?

4-28-15

Stand straight. Chin up. Chest in. Breathe…

These past couple of days have been, tiring, enjoying and at the same time, depressing. I suffered from so much humiliation, that everything about me still fights from that darkness that enslaves me. I fought that battle, I know there’s so many things to do during those days yet after all those stuffs, everything fell into place. The floor began to fill-up with tears, the wind started to get cold and the room felt lonely. Every scenario in my head crushed me, every looks from their eyes, every action I got from them and every word they spoke got me. I’ve been pushed, and on the ground I tumbled. I hit the ground too many times, and life can’t get any better whenever I get up and fight.

At the end of those couple days, I looked at the lighten candle. That certain candle made me think, of how I should appreciate those little things that have been offered me years ago.

So here is a short story about that “little thing”: two years ago, during those times that I am not able to speak due to the pain I experienced, someone asked me with any hesitation if I’m okay with a thumbs-up sign.
I answered yes.

How can a person (me) automatically agree with that, even though the person knows that he’s not? How can the society help you with your battle if you’re hiding your problems from them? How will you fight when you have no idea if it’s worth it? How should you fight when you gave your armor and fighting tools to your enemies? How can you hide when you know that one step backward, you’re going to fall into total misery? How?

4-29-15

I have no more idea what happened and what I am talking about. It just came to my mind that I need to write this stuff and express myself. Today, I am feeling great. I am looking at the positive side of the world. But I am afraid that if I am left alone or when I’m alone, everything that ever happened will come back and the cycle will start over again. Well, basically that is life. Your thoughts will pull you under the deep water, but after a long time you will float and will act like nothing happened.

Am I making any sense? Tell me if I do, cuz’ I think I am not. HAHA!

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